Slurry Beta

Infrequent ruminations on nothing.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Website Review: Jesus, Dinosaurs and More!

Most science is false, just ask any Christian fundamentalist. As the lies of science continue to spread through the complex web of propaganda contained in books and academic journals, it is refreshing to know that there is one last bastion of truth out there for those who refuse to compromise thousands of years of conventional belief: the internet.

Last weekend I made the claim that Koala bears were, in fact, chemically addicted to Eucalyptus leaves and that their existence was never really contingient a certain species of tree. Rather, they have evolved to become chemically dependent on the plant’s chemicals and now require it to survive. It was a 5 beer claim, what do you want from me? Anyway, I was sort of right. Koala’s probably didn’t start out requiring eucalyptus to survive but they don’t necessarily eat it to get high, as I also posited. They receive all of their water intake from the leaves because they’re too lazy and stoned to leave the tree. Whatever, I didn’t spend too much time figuring it out because I came across a great website called Jesus, Dinosaurs, and More! and my research came to a screeching halt. I can only hope that as the site’s exposure inevitably increases, all those “scientists” out there will follow suit.

Finally there’s a web site that proves once and for all that apes were not descendants of man, but just good buddies. Oh, and they are more accurately called “complex apes” because they were more evolved back then than they are now, holding tools and talking…but NOT evolving. Obviously.

But the site doesn’t stop there. Actually, I have no idea where it stops; it’s just claim after claim, each meticulously researched with the help of a little publication written by God himself, not some White Coat in glasses who's probably trying to produce animal-human hybrids.

Jesus, Dinosaurs and More! is visually impressive as well, with some of the best animated graphics I have ever seen in my entire life. I particularly enjoy the image of the Apatasaurus vomiting mail into a mailbox: This one was informative, as well:

Overall, I give Jesus, Dinosaurs and More! an A-Plus!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Something's 'Brewing' at Starbucks

(The horrendous pun in the title is for the sole enjoyment of Johnny Vegas, the quintessential pun artiste)

For the second time in about a week and a half, the so-called Barista at Starbucks has given me a venti instead of the grande latte that I ordered and paid for. Obviously, she wants to go steady but I’m going to see how many venti coffees she gives me first.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Week in review.

Actually, first a review of two weeks ago. My parents and sister came out for five days and we walked a million miles around DC with millions of other fanny packed, camera toting, escalator cloggers. It was a weekend full of revelations; I discovered that my sister can’t read a map and that my dad, Slurry D, can put away an impressive amount of beers when he’s 2000 miles away from his “turf” and not constantly on call. After 25 years it was finally confirmed that he is, in fact, my real father. I had a hunch but that weekend confirmed it.

Last weekend I went to Alexandria, VA for an all day, all you can eat, all you can drink, crawfish boil with Rebecca and her Tulane friends. Honestly, I can’t think of a better Saturday. All day we played bocci ball and Frisbee in the middle of a huge park while drinking an endless supply of ice cold keg beer. Reminded me of Minnesota if only for one day.

Last night I stayed up until 1 AM watching the NBA playoffs. Although TNT made every attempt to get me to shut off the TV (having Reggie Miller call the game, playing a montage during the Spurs/Mavs game with that ridiculously lame Moby song dubbed over the top, shoving constant X-Men 3 cross-promotion down my throat, etc.) I stuck with and was rewarded in the fourth quarter when Michael Finley posterized Eric “Contract Year Extraordinaire” Dampier. Great ending, too, although Dirk had plenty of time for a put back on Terry’s missed shot, which would have been his defining moment and right up there with Derek Fisher’s turn around, fade away buzzer beater against the Lakers a few years ago.

That'll bring you up to speed. Consider your lives better for reading this. (sarcasm)

One final note: my brother, Greg, turned 21 yesterday. Happy birthday, buddy. Let’s hope it went better than mine did.

I finally moved.

I finally did it. I packed up all my things and moved the blog from Friendster blogs to Blogger, who immediately sent me a fruit basket for signing up. I gave it the same name so all my fans don’t freak out but, bear in mind, this one’s different--hopefully better and more informative. I know people look to me for constant insight and guidance. I am, after all, from Montana where everyone is wiser than average except for the Freemen, Unabomber, Conrad “Montgomery” Burns, the guy who tried to kidnap David Letterman’s kid, the Capital Gunman and the guy who invented Syphilis. Not those guys.