Slurry Beta

Infrequent ruminations on nothing.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Election 2k6

Well, it's the day after the 2006 midterm elections and if you're a Democrat or were pulling for them in any way, you're probably happy right now. If not, you may be feeling like one of Rick Santorum's kids who has, in one fell swoop, been forced to question the very existence of God. (See right) At least now Santorum, who famously argued that repealing a ban on sodomy would lead to rampant bestiality, will have plenty of time to rehabilitate her with a strict regimen of church and home school. For the record, I don't mean any ill will toward his obviously destroyed daughter. For me, Santorum represents every thing that is wrong with American politics and the picture was just way too classic not to post.

In other news, it looks like Democrat Jon Tester is going to defeat Republican Conrad "Montgomery" Burns for a Senate seat in Montana. A few counties had a bit of a software problem with some voting machines and have been recounting votes all morning but it looks like there won't be enough to dissolve Tester's lead. I've always said there weren't enough flattops on Capitol Hill.

In lesser publicized news, if you're a resident of a certain Montana county, you can feel safe and secure for at least four more years.

In BREAKING NEWS: Donald Rumsfeld has just resigned.

In EVEN MORE BREAKING NEWS: I am crying like a little Santorum right now. Tears of joy.

9 Comments:

At 1:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm having problems with viewing the picture of the little santorum girl. Is it just me?

Also, I was about to ask slurry about why C. Montgomery Burns yelled at firefighters, but I had a hunch that slurry is too in touch with his Montana roots to not have covered this issue in a prvious post. And gues what? I was right! Excellent work, as always. How is the mood in our nations capitol? Could you feel the winds of change blowing when you walked to work this morning?

 
At 2:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you, Beta. It seems that the little Santorum girl isn't very happy.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Slurry B said...

Honestly, the mood here is tentatively euphoric. Most of us have been depressed for 5 years and in the past 15 hours, everything has changed dramatically. I don't think you can outright accept all the good news with everything that has happened up until this point.

Nonetheless, I HAVE seen a lot of smiles and "Walking on Sunshine" has been synchronized on repeat on every car stereo in the district.

 
At 5:15 PM, Blogger Angel Moroni said...

Why would Donald Rumsfeld resign? It's not his fault the people of Iraq hate freedom. I feel like with this resignation today, a little bit of freedom died. RIP freedom.

 
At 3:55 PM, Anonymous mindy said...

Do you think the Santorums told their daughter that if daddy didn't win they'd kill her new puppy right in front of her? That's what I'm thinking.

 
At 4:11 PM, Blogger Slurry B said...

I'm not sure about that, Mindy, but I would say, "Probably."

This brings up an interesting story about the Santorums. Now, despite what you'll inevitably think, it's 100% true. Feel free to check the facts.

In 1996, Mrs. Santorum prematurely gave birth to a child, Gabriel, that lived for approximately two hours outside of the womb. Deeply religious as they are, they opted to take the deceased infant home, cuddle with it, take some pictures, whisper in its ear, and let the rest of the family hang out with it for a night. The reasoning was that they wanted the other children to see that they had a real brother and not simply a fetus as some would lead you to believe about a 20 week old, uhhh, fetus.

Mrs. Santorum wrote letters to Gabriel before and after his birth that contained heartfelt sentimentalities in the form of political anti-abortion diatribes. The letters were compiled into a book that Sen. Santorum read in public to drum up support for his anti=abortion bills.

Those are the facts. I'm just putting them out there.

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger Kraemerica said...

Hottest Christmas Toy in 2006: Francis the Furry Fetus

 
At 11:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kraemerica, that is a gross comment. But I like it.

Slurry - haven't the little Santorums done anything blog-worthy lately? COME ON!

 
At 11:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kraemerica, that is a gross comment. But I like it.

Slurry - haven't the little Santorums done anything blog-worthy lately? COME ON!

 

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