Slurry Beta

Infrequent ruminations on nothing.

Friday, August 11, 2006

People in the News

I think it's time for some smarmy comments about the news. Now, I realize this may alienate some folks in my fan base who have an aversion to people like me who are highly skilled at passing judgment on strangers. I think it’s safe to say that those people are not Slurry B and do not have their own blog. I do what I want. Let’s move on.

Deusches, you have found your leader.
Not too much to explain here, I guess, other than this is an actual person and that is an actual tattoo.
Honestly, though, we all know someone who would join his gang if he started one.

    Conrad Burns (R-MT), US Senator.
    (This is kind of old news but since I only update this blog every two or three weeks, it’s breaking news as far as I’m concerned. Again, I do what I want.)The great state of Montana starts on fire every summer so it has to employ a large number of firefighters, often flying them in from other states. It’s an incredibly dangerous and noble job (my brother, Slurry G, does it and he only does dangerous, noble things) and nobody appreciates it more than the residents of the state-except for one of our Senators. At the end of July, a team of firefighters was waiting in the Billings, MT airport to head back home to Virginia when Conrad Burns showed up in the terminal and verbally berated them, saying they did a “piss-poor job” and weren’t doing a “GD thing”, etc. He may as well have burned an American flag on national TV. Montanans are pissed and the media has jumped all over it. He’s currently neck deep in a controversy worse than the time he called Arabs “rag heads” in public; worse than the time he used the “N-word” to tell a joke about African Americans-in public; worse than the time he took more money from convicted felon Jack Abramoff than any other person; worse than the time he told a flight attendant who was about to lose her job to “go home and have babies”; worse than the time Time magazine named him one of the five worst senators; and worse than the time he called one of my friends a “little bastard” during a group picture session on a high school trip to Washington, DC.
    The good thing is that he’s up for re-election this year and is almost certainly going to lose, even though he has 5 times the amount of campaign money as his opponent, John Tester. Tester is an organic farmer with a flat top. Just like me. Awesome.

    The creepy dude who says he killed JonBenet Ramsey (not pictured. Too creepy).
    I want to go on the record to say that I have a hunch that this guy didn’t do it, which is a shame because everything seems to fit. He looks psychotic (check), is probably psychotic (check), has a southern accent (check), looks as though anyone over 10 years old could waste him (check), inexplicably disappeared to Thailand to work at a school (check) and he admitted to it (check). However, he seems to be getting a few key facts wrong and is a little too comfortable with all the media attention.
    You’re probably saying to yourself, “Why does Slurry B even care about this? He’s not interested in justice.” Well, you’re right, I don’t really care but I grew up watching local Denver TV stations and, honestly, this case was all they ever reported on. Day and night. For years. It would be great if they could finally solve this but I think all they’ve done by arresting this guy is make the situation even weirder.


    At 9:48 AM, Blogger Mindy said...

    Yeah, I don't understand how Creepy could've "been with JonBenet" when she died - tied up and beaten if I remember correctly - but it was an accident?? Last time I checked 5 year old girls don't accidentally tie themselves up. Very creepy.

    At 12:25 PM, Blogger Angel Moroni said...

    How did Slurry G get all the "Montana Man" charicteristics from the Schenk DNA? I mean, I'm sure Mock Trial was cool, but not as cool as tracking wolverines and fighting fires.

    At 11:07 AM, Blogger Mindy said...

    I saw the baby murderer on TV yesterday and WOW he is strange. Pants pulled up to his moobs, shirt buttoned all the way up, and completely non-responsive to any of the accusations against him. Like he was in a coma or something. With bad fashion.

    Ok, sorry, I'll stop commenting on it. On this blog anyway.

    At 5:22 PM, Blogger Slurry B said...

    MORONi: It's called efficient breeding. Someday the Slurries will combine forces and be unstoppable. Do you know who my dad is? Do you? It's called a monopoly, man, and it's only a matter of time.

    Mindy: Perhaps some physical appearance analysis is in order if you're bold enough to put his picture on your blog and traumatize your readers (mine are emotionally fragile). FYI: Word on the street is he was looking to put a "b" in moobs...and to permanently remodel the cellar, if you catch my drift.


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