Slurry Beta

Infrequent ruminations on nothing.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Odds and Ends

Well, I finally moved and boy was it fantastic (extreme sarcasm). In my last post, I noted how awkward the process of finding a place was but now that I’ve found one and moved in, it’s still awkward. Last week, my landlord gave me an email address of one of the three people currently living in the house so I sent an introductory email basically saying that I looked forward to meeting them, etc. No response. None. Then when I moved in yesterday, nobody was in the house. The only living creature around was somebody’s cat that is absolutely mortified of me and acts as if I had committed prior violent acts upon it. Getting that little bastard out from under my bed took 45 minutes. Someday I hope to meet its owner, perhaps find out if it has a name and maybe find a way to resolve our differences.

After I put my room together, I went out to buy some groceries. On my way home, as I walked up the sidewalk to my new place, a young neighborhood kid approached me and asked, politely, if I had a dollar. I politely said that I didn’t and walked up to my front door. Just as I was opening the gate on the door, a large piece of asphalt exploded on bars of the gate, a couple of feet from my head. I turned around to see about six or seven middle school aged hoodlums silently staring at me. Not knowing what exactly to do, I turned to quickly open the door and get into the house. Because my keys are new, I was struggling to find the right key for each lock. Again, a large piece of road hit the house and again I turned around to see several kids, completely silent--not asking for money, not calling me names, not slapping high fives to eachother, nothing. At this point I began to wonder if I was about to endure history’s most awkward stoning. Fortunately, they didn’t throw any more projectiles at me and I safely got into my house. Not exactly a warm welcome. The weird thing is that they are most likely my neighbors and I'm probably going to see them like three times a week.


So it’s officially spring here. While people in most “normal” American cities rely on calendar dates, melting snow, and more sunshine to signify that it’s spring, we here in this anonymous capital city rely on other indicators. Most of them have to do with the massive annual flood of tourists.

Metro hell. Clogged escalators, confused masses, and irritated locals add at least 15 minutes to your commute. Waiting on an escalator with your head 2 inches from someone's fanny pack as the last train for twenty minutes rolls by is like some form of weird torture.

Cherry blossoms. In theory, the week of the cherry blossom bloom is great. Even a hardened cynic like me can appreciate how fantastic they make the tidal basin look even if it is for such a short period of time. I even make an effort to take a few photos, which will be forthcoming. Unfortunately, I have to make that time around 7 o’clock in the morning because that’s really the only time of day that there aren’t thousands of people clogging the walking paths and ripping off branches as souvenirs, a practice which I just don’t understand. Of course, I don’t understand why anyone would buy one of those, “You don’t know me. I’m in the witness protection program” T-shirts so maybe I’m missing some key information here.

Baseball’s opening day. And I have to work. If I see another douchebag in a Nationals jersey drinking margaritas in the sunshine today, I think I am going to freak out. FREAK OUT! The only redeeming factor here is that Johan is pitching tonight on ESPN2 and I won’t have to watch the online game cast.


At 9:08 AM, Blogger DC Josh said...

Go Spring. B's right, spring in ACC (anonymous capital city) is amazing and annoying and not much else. It's either or. This week though it's been treating this guy pretty well (cheer up B, and next time, give the damn kid a dollar).

Some things to make you happy... Twins win. Morneau Valuable Player (MVP) picked up Johan and wouldntyaknowit: Twins win! Picking right up where they left off at the end of regular season last year (I'm conveniently forgetting the playoffs). And I just won my office pool and got second (I think) in the other due to FL doing what they do (damn, they are good... so good I reckon they'd beat the T-Wolves at this point). It's 60 degrees out already, and it's 9am. And for the cherry [blossom] on top: 3-5 inches of snow in the Minnesota forcast.

At 9:14 AM, Blogger mindy said...

"At this point I began to wonder if I was about to endure history’s most awkward stoning."--- Funniest thing ever.

At 5:30 PM, Blogger Angel Moroni said...

It's fucking snowing in Minneapolis right now.

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Kraemerica said...

Have you met your roommate yet? Mine is crazy. Angel Moroni can verify this. He is averaging 4 rolls of toilet paper per week, ate 6 chicken pot pies in one evening, and drinks 2 Sparks a day. Its 75 in Oregon. Suckas.

At 1:10 PM, Blogger Slurry B said...

I actually did meet my roommate. I thought I had three but apparently I only have one and there are two open rooms. She's a nice, 32 year old lawyer who is apparently rarely in the house, leaving me and her cat, Stewart, to hang out the rest of the time. And by "hang out" I mean me looking for some companionship while the cat tries desperately to avoid me. I think I'm becoming a lonely cat person but have chosen the wrong cat.

Here's a story that may or may not be worth reading, it's up to you: I live across the alley from what is most definitely a Crack Shack...not necessarily a house where there are actual sales, but a place where people go to "socialize". It's a town home that is awaiting conversion into luxury condos (obvs) and is now temporary home to anywhere from 4-6 crack enthusiasts. Last night I saw a dude who on the back porch who was COMPLETELY tweaking out--itching all over, constantly pulling his shirt over his head, pacing back and forth and only stopping to smoke. It sort of worried me, to be honest. Off and on for an hour and a half or so, I checked in on my man to see if he was alright and he got perpetually worse until he was just gone. What do you all think? Call the cops? See if I can find the owner of the house and let him know? Cut up some apples, celery and peanut butter and bring the guys a snack? Partake and see what all the fuss about crack is about?

At 10:46 AM, Blogger mindy said...

What kind of frickin neighborhood have you moved into? Crack enthusiasts, kids throwing asphalt? This does not sound good SlurryB.

If I were you I'd steer clear of the crack addicts (although the itching sounds more like meth heads to me, but whatevs) - you never know when they're gonna freak out and come looking at you and Stewart to help them find their next fix.

Does this make me a bad samaritan? I don't care. I don't want to end up in someone's freezer.

At 4:46 PM, Blogger DC Josh said...

Mindy Mindy Mindy... Crackheads and juvinile delinquents are just two small parts of the fun here in this anonymous nation's anonymous capital.

Beta, you've just GOT to start hanging out with these guys! Who do you think the little pavement throwing kids really fear in the neighborhood? You and your group house mates? Or the local crack heads? Make pals with these junkies--i dunno, maybe bring 'em a peice of toast or something--and they'll probably have your back if push comes to shove.


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