Universally Annoying Types of People Who Irritate Everyone and Not Just Me Because I Don't Have a Complex So Stop Bringing It Up

This post may be more of an insight into how much of an asshole I am rather than a comical look at annoying people but what the hell? It’s been a month and a half. Caution: I mailed this one in.

The ATM Banker

You might notice this man or woman while you’re waiting in line to withdraw cash from the ATM machine. They’re pretty hard to miss as they spend a ridiculous amount of time using every service the machine has to offer; depositing checks, withdrawing money, reviewing their balance and printing out multiple receipts as an angry mob of people queues up behind their obliviously inconsiderate asses.

I’m always confused by people who find it necessary to use an ATM for all their banking needs because, outside of withdrawing cash, it’s not all that convenient. Writing your account number on the back of checks, entering the amount on the keypad, putting them in the envelope, inserting the money into the feeder then printing out a receipt is kind of a hassle that I’d rather have a teller take care of. Maybe I’m just a genius. I don’t know.

Over-Reactive Movie Goer

I really wanted to see Pan’s Labyrinth last weekend and since I don’t have any friends, I opted to go alone. Unfortunately, so did the rest of this city. The theater was full so I was forced to sit next to an older lady who had some sort of elderly ADD in which she reacted with a series of gyrations, audible hums, and “No don’t do its” to every violent, scary or sad moment in the film. Perhaps most irritating is that, in any moment of building suspense, she would lean over to her friend, grab her arm and let out a little screech and completely ruin the experience. If you’ve seen the movie then you know that, although fantastic, it’s some form of violent, scary and/or sad for the entire movie. It reached a point where I was shooting this woman an evil glare each time she made a noise but she was incredibly resilient. Needless to say, the lady and I didn’t hug it out in the end.

I find that this situation happens to me quite a bit and it may just be my problem for not just letting it slide like everyone else I know does. A few weeks ago, I mentioned to a friend that I wish theaters would install headphone jacks into the arm rests like airplane seats so I could listen to the movie without any distraction. He thought it was a stupid idea and maybe he’s right. I’d probably always get the seat with a milk dud or sour patch kid crammed into the headphone port anyway.

In other news...I’m writing a screenplay about immigration in America which will soon be developed into a cinematic production. I already have a production team ready, including an Emmy Award* winning producer and experienced director.** More to come. Maybe.

*Regional

**YouTube