The new me

I have a weird obsession with nature documentaries. Last night, per weekly ritual, I was watching a PBS Nature episode on cephalopods and just as they were about to do a segment on cuttlefish, the channel glitched and the screen froze. I sat there staring at the tube for a good 3-5 minutes. Nothing. I came back to the channel several minutes later. No sound. Unable to watch the program, I went absolutely berserk. It’s a bit of a blur but I’m pretty sure I tossed my television through the window, lit my mattress on fire in the alley, yelled obscenities at Stewart, and placed dozens of calls to the PBS complaint line.

Alright, I’m slightly exaggerating, but I do like me some cephalopods; in particular, cuttlefish. They have an incredible ability to rapidly change their skin color to any combination of yellow, red, orange, brown and black hues. They use the ability to trick their prey and, perhaps more importantly, as protective camouflage. I would imagine it gives them invaluable piece of mind.

I’m in a bit of a transitional phase and dealing with a few significant changes: trying to get into law school, newly single, moved to a new location with different arrangements, etc. It’s like the murky, treacherous ocean floor for me right now and I need some type of adaptive mechanism to help move the transition along. I need something that will throw others of their game, confuse and mislead them while giving me the psychological upper hand. Something that says, “Hey, this guy’s dangerous. But maybe he isn’t. I don’t know whether to flee or embrace him.” So I’m going to try to accomplish this the best way I know how: I’m growing a mustache.

Last night I was shaving off my Beard of Disillusionment and decided to leave the ‘stache and give it a go. Day one hasn’t been easy. I’ve looked in the mirror a few times and I think I look slightly ridiculous. But for the sake of social experimentation, I’m going to leave it on as long as possible, which may only be until tomorrow, I don’t know. Maybe the rampant mustachism out there will be too much for me to handle. Perhaps I’ll get fired or start losing friends. Maybe it will open up new business opportunities. I’ll let you know if I find the answers to these pressing questions.