Crazy DC Woman II: The Sequel
I was on my way home via the Metro on Sunday and as I was sitting on the floor waiting for my train, I spotted a familiar and frightening face. That’s right, readers, it was the very same woman who verbally berated me in front of dozens of commuters a few weeks ago (see my August 29 post). Again, she was wearing nice clothes and was carrying a designer shopping bag. Luckily, I wasn’t wearing my glasses and my ‘beautiful hair’ was concealed by my Minnesota Twins ‘TC’ hat. As she was walking toward me, I bowed my head to avoid all eye contact and could only see her feet as they slowly walked up, stopped and turned toward me. Woman: Is that a T.C.U hat? (Texas Christian University ?)**I immediately try to come up with a response, perhaps in Spanish or with a Spanish accent but can only muster up a stoner reply. Me (slowly and quietly): Whaaaat? Woman: Nevermind….Stupid Ass. (Walks away, trolling for other potential victims) Is there some sort of cosmic connection between me and this woman? Should I ask her to marry me or something?
COMMENTS
posted by Slurry B @ 9:04 PM
I think the only real option is to try to OUT-crazy her. Next time your paths should cross, approach her. Come up with something ridiculous like:
Beta (B): Holy crap, is that you Tina Turner?
Crazy Woman (CW): Fuck you white boy.
B: NO MA'AM I WILL NOT DO THAT. FOR MORONI's SAKE, I AM MORMOM, lady. WE DO NOT CONDONE THAT TYPE OF BEHAVIOR.
CW: Wha...
-B dramatically gets on both knees, hands in the air as he looks up to the ceiling of the metro and shouts:
B: oh Joseph Smith, what would you have me do with this heretic woman? I know you personally were a racist masogynistic egomaniac, oh Prophet Smith, but this woman desires to be my 68th wife, the most sacred of all the subjects in my wifery! What do we do? OH PLEASE TELL ME LORD, DO I MARRY TINA TURNER OR NOT?!?!?!
I think this little bit of Metro Theater should suffice in scaring her away... not to mention will probably secure you your own seat on the train.